Castiel's Battles
by Medusa Sparrow-Winchester
Summary: Slight AU. Just a series of short stories involving human Castiel. Also a self insert. Chapter/story 2 up: Castiel vs. Personal Hygiene. INCOMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1: Castiel vs Arachnophobia

_**Disclaimer:**___**I do not own Supernatural or any of the recognisable people in it. I only own Judith (who is me). Supernatural belongs to Eric Kripke, and The CW (and anyone else I've missed).**

_**A/N:**_** This is just a series of short stories in which human Castiel has to battle with everyday human things. Was going to have **_**Castiel vs. The Common Cold**_** as the first chapter, but I haven't finished with that one yet, so this is the first chapter instead. These stories have been unbeta-ed, I was too eager to get this series up to wait for my Beta Reader to finish her school work.**

**Slight AU, Castiel **_**never**_** became an angel again at the end of **_**Swan Song**_**. And Sam never said yes to Lucifer and anything else that happened in that episode that might not work in this story. All these stories are going to be chapters in this series, thought it would take up less space when all these short stories are under the title **_**Castiel's Battles**_**.**

**These stories take place between **_**Two Minutes to Midnight, Swan Song**_** and post season 5, unless otherwise stated. May have a few spoilers for these two episodes, so beware.**

**This series is a spinoff of my other series **_**Renegade**_** and holds a few spoilers for that series, but I've only started **_**First Day of My Life**_** (season 1). You don't really need to read any of **_**Renegade**_** to understand these stories, if there's anything you want explained, please feel free to ask. Judith is half vampire, half angel. I'll explain how that happened (or how it **_**will**_** happen) if you want.**

Castiel vs. Arachnophobia.

Lying on the couch in the latest dingy motel, trying to get my usual two hours sleep, I hear a crash in the bathroom, followed, barely a second later, by a blood curdling scream.

"What the _hell_?" I mutter to myself, getting up off the couch and head to the bathroom. "What is that man up to now?"

"_JUDITH_!" Running to the bathroom and kicking the door open, I see a strange sight; Castiel sitting on the closed toilet with both knees drawn up and staring wide eyed at something on the floor. Looking down, I can see what he was screaming at.

There is a large, hairy black spider, about the size of a small tarantula, standing stock still in the middle of the bathroom floor.

"Cas? You Okay?" I ask, carefully avoiding the spider. Castiel looks away from the spider, turns wide scared blue eyes on me and gulps.

"Get rid of it!" He says, pointing one shaking finger at the offending arachnid. I can't help but laugh at his predicament. A former Angel of the Lord is afraid of spiders. What _would_ Daddy say?

"You're afraid of spiders Cas?" I ask him, holding my sides. My huge wings hit off the ceiling with every chuckle. I _really_ shouldn't be laughing, considering I have arachnophobia myself.

"Only since becoming human!" Castiel gulps, and shudders when the spider twitches. "I _never_ liked spiders when I was an angel, but I was never _afraid _of them before."

"Want me to kill it?" I ask, edging past the spider and broken glass that was clearly a bottle of Sam's favourite cologne.

"NO!" Castiel shouts. "Don't kill it! My Father created it!"

"Yeah, I _know_ that!" I say, taking an instinctive step backwards when the spider inches slowly towards Castiel, who shrieks. "But, what the _hell_ was He thinking when He created them?"

"I never asked!" The former angel replies, now hunkered on his feet on the toilet lid.

The huge spider then takes off closer to Castiel and his eyes show all white. Poor guy, I'm not _that_ bad. He starts screaming again when the spider is less than half a foot away.

At that precise moment, the motel door bursts open, and Sam and Dean run into the bathroom.

"What happened? We heard screaming!" Sam demands, looking around for the threat. Dean actually has his ivory hilted gun out and has it aimed in front of him. Castiel says nothing, but points to the floor, where the spider is now motionless again.

"What the _hell?" _Dean demands, lowering his gun and looking furious.

"Cas has discovered that he has a fear of spiders." I explain, pulling my wings as far behind me as I can to make room for the boys. I _really_ shouldn't have stood so close to Anna when she got her Grace back, and I shouldn't have drank Castiel's blood when he was still an angel. It's kind of annoying having a pair of gigantic wings coming out of your shoulder blades.

"_That's_ what this is about?" Dean shouts, looking back and forth between Castiel and me. I just shrug.

"Please just get _rid_ of it!" Castiel's voice is cracked and childlike now. Tears well up in his eyes as he looks at me.

"Oh, uh-uh." I say, shaking my head. "I don't let spiders _live_."

"I'll get it." Sam says, pushing past Dean, and standing in front of the spider. Castiel follows his every move. Sam squats on the floor and coaxes the spider onto his hand. Both Castiel and I shudder at this.

"Don't kill it." Castiel pleads his voice still childlike and shaky. He cowers backwards when Sam straightens up with the spider crawling over both hands.

"Don't worry, I won't." Sam reassures him. He walks towards the door and I clutch Dean's arm as Sam passes me. He then disappears and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. It takes Castiel a minute or two to calm down enough to put his feet back on the floor.

"You two are unbelievable!" Dean says, rolling his eyes. "Now, I can understand _Judith_ being afraid of spiders, but _you_ Cas."

"Hey!" Castiel protests, while I give Dean a dirty look. "I don't like the way they move!"

"Me neither Cas." I say, walking towards him and helping him off the toilet. I pull him into a tight hug, and wrap my wings around him as well as my arms. We walk back towards the main motel room and I steer Castiel to one of the beds. Sam walks in at that moment, completely spider free.

"I put it outside." He says to Castiel, who's giving him a questioning look.

"That's good." Castiel replies, sitting down on the bed. I pull back the covers to reveal an even bigger spider than the one in the bathroom. Castiel screams again.

Oh not _again_!

The End.

_**A/N:**_** Yeah, sorry that was so short, but I was thinking of this being round one. I may write another spider story sometime. Poor Castiel. Sorry, but I found human Cas more fun to play with than angel Cas. Can't really poke fun at angel Cas while trying to keep him in character. **

**Other stories in this series (not really in any order):-**

**Castiel vs. The Common Cold.**

**Castiel vs. Personal Hygiene.**

**Castiel vs. Food.**

**Castiel vs. Shaving.**

**Anyone else got any ideas, I'm all ears. Just try to keep it clean people. XD.**


	2. Chapter 2: Castiel vs Personal Hygiene

Castiel vs. Personal Hygiene

_**A/N:**_** I'm sure all you Castiel girls are gonna love this one. I tried to make it realistic.**

Castiel vs. Personal Hygiene.

Three days have passed since Castiel became human, and two days since Death told Dean how to open Lucifer's cage and gave Dean his ring.

This whole time Castiel has been wandering around like a lost little puppy, occasionally taking to sticking by my side. When Dean asked why, Castiel said nothing, but I told Dean it was most likely that Castiel missed being and angel and sticks to me like we've been welded together because I'm the closest thing to an angel in the immediate vicinity. Turns out, that was _exactly_ why the former angel has been sticking in _very _close proximity to me.

When Castiel slept for the first time, he was lying on the couch beside me, with his head on my lap...though, that may have something to do with me running my fingers through his hair at the time. He just lay there with his eyes closed, and then all of a sudden, he was snoring.

The five of us; Castiel, Sam, Bobby, Dean and I, are sitting at Bobby's small table in his kitchen, when Dean speaks up.

"Whoa! Cas you _stink!_" Castiel is sitting between me and Dean, and looks up when Dean isn't subtle about Castiel's body odour.

"_Dean!_" I hiss at him, putting my arm around Castiel's shoulders. Yes, the angel-turned-human needs a bath...or a shower at least, but Dean didn't need to blurt it out like that.

"What?" The eldest Winchester asks. "The guy has been sitting in the same clothes for three days and he's starting to smell!"

Castiel automatically raises his right arm and sniffs, making a face at what he smells under there. He's also in a need for a shave, his normal stubble is now threatening to turn into a full on beard.

"Why don't you go upstairs and have a bath?" Sam suggests.

"I don't know how." Castiel admits, blushing slightly.

"I'll teach you." I cut in before anyone can look at him funny.

"You just wanna see the guy naked." Dean says, poking fun at me. _That's beside the point. _I think to myself.

"No actually." I reply, a little too quickly, and Dean doesn't look convinced. "Yeah, _you_ wanna help another _man_ have a bath?" Dean looks away and keeps his mouth shut. "Well then." I say, smiling at Dean's reaction.

"That water's hot if you wanna go now." Bobby says, getting up from the table to start dinner, leaving the Winchesters to go over new information about Lucifer.

"Wanna go up and have your bath now Cas?" I ask, but Castiel looks terrified. "Cas, no offense, but Dean's right. You _do_ stink! And don't worry, I won't look. I promise."

"You'll break your promise and peek!" Dean pipes up, not looking up from a map of the United States. I ignore him, but Castiel's eyes widen even more.

"C'mon Cas." Taking Castiel's hand, I lead him out of the kitchen, through the living room/library and up the stairs. Once there, we walk down the hall to the last door on the left and step inside Bobby's moderately sized bathroom.

Walking over to the bathtub, I put the plug in the plughole and then turn on the hot water. Finding some bubble bath mixture, I pour about a capful into the bath to give the poor guy some privacy.

"Go ahead and pee before you take your bath. I'm gonna get you some towels and some clothes off Dean. You seem to be his size." I say walking out of the bathroom, and closing the door behind me, before going back down the stairs.

"Hey Dean? You haven't by any chance got a pair of jeans and a shirt Cas can borrow, do you?" I ask, coming back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, should do." Dean replies, getting up off his chair and going to his duffle bag. He rummages through it for about a minute before coming back with a pair of holey jeans and a green shirt.

"Thanks." I say before going back upstairs to the bathroom. By this stage the bath is about a quarter full with nothing but hot water. Turning the hot water off, and turning the cold water on, I see Castiel sitting on the closed toilet watching my every move with rapt attention.

I leave Castiel sitting on the closed toilet to go and get three towels from Bobby's linen closet across the hall from the bathroom; one is for the floor, one is for Castiel and the third one if for his hair. Walking to the bedroom beside the bathroom, I deposit Dean's clothes, and go back to check on the bathtub, which is now half full.

"Okay." I say, turning off the cold water. "Cas, would you roll up your sleeves and check to see if the water's too hot, too cold or just nice?" The former angel obeys, and plunges his hand and wrist into the water, only to hiss and yelp in pain. Withdrawing his now pink hand from the tub, he turns huge blue eyes on me accusingly.

"Too hot. Sorry about that." I say, turning the cold faucet back on again and putting my own hand into the water to check the temperature. After about a minute, I ask Castiel to check the water again, only to have him throw me a dirty look before reluctantly doing as I ask.

"It seems to be okay now." He says, pulling his hand back out of the water.

"Good. You can go ahead and take your clothes off now." I say, pulling my own hand out of the water. "I won't peek, I promise." Turning around, I go and stand in front of the window and pull the blind down. I close my eyes, and cup my hands around them for good measure, while I hear Castiel's clothes falling to the floor. I resist the temptation of seeing Castiel strip...but I put up a pretty good fight with myself.

"Dammit! Stupid, frigging belt!" Castiel says. He _really_ needs to stop spending so much time with Dean; he's picking up bad habits! Not able to keep resisting the temptation, I chance a peek.

Castiel is standing in the middle of the bathroom, topless and in his bare feet, but he's struggling to undo the belt attached to his black trousers. _Oh God!_

"Need any help there Cas?" I ask, trying not to laugh at his predicament. He struggles for another second, but gives up when it becomes apparent that he can't undo the belt.

"Yes please." He says looking thoroughly annoyed at the little black leather contraption.

"Okay, now watch this." I say, pulling the leather strap through the buckle and pulling out the piece of metal stuck in the hole of the strap, thus pulling the thing free.

"Thank you." Castiel replies, putting his hands on the button of his trousers and popping it open. Jumping, I go back to my former position, trying, and failing, _not_ to imagine the guy naked. A few seconds later and a small splash signifies that Castiel is now in the bathtub.

"Let me know when you're lying back!" I say in a strained voice. _STOP THINKING ABOUT CAS NAKED! _I scold myself. _Two words for ya there Judith: cold shower!_

"I'm lying back." Castiel replies, breaking through a very naughty thought of me being in that tub with him. I jump again, before turning around. Good thing I'm a vampire, otherwise I'd probably be purple with embarrassment. "Judith? Are you alright?"

"Uh-huh." I reply seeing him lying in the bath. It takes me a few seconds to compose myself, even though I can't see much thanks to the bubbles. Clearing my throat, I look away and grab a washcloth and soap from the side of the tub.

Making sure the side of the tub isn't wet; I plunk my ass down on the hard ceramic and look at Castiel's tanned skin for a split second, before clearing my throat again, and dipping the two objects into the water. Luckily, since growing a pair of gigantic grey wings, I've only been able to wear halter neck tops, so I don't need to worry about getting my clothes wet.

I take a deep, unnecessary breath to steady myself before teaching a former Angel of the Lord how to have a bath.

"Okay, now. First you need a wash cloth and soap, and make them wet. Once that's done, use a little bit of soap on the wash cloth, like this." I rub a small amount of soap onto the blue material. "Then you rub your face with it." Putting the cloth to one cheek, I add, "Try not to get any soap in your eyes, cuz it'll sting like hell! If you _do _get soap in your eyes, rub them with a towel. They always say to rinse your eyes with water, but that doesn't work." Castiel nods his understanding.

"Who are they?" He asks, frowning slightly. I look him in the eye to avoid a certain place in the bubbles.

"Oh, the people who make the soap, and shampoo." I reply, before rubbing his face gently with the wash cloth. Castiel's eyes close, whether in response to what I've just said about the soap, or if it's because he's relaxing at my touch, I have no idea. I rub his neck and behind his ears, before taking the material away from his face. His eyes open again.

"Okay, now that your face, neck and behind your ears are washed, cup some water in your hands, and rinse all the suds off. But remember to keep your eyes closed." I say, dipping the washcloth back into the water to rinse all the suds off it. Castiel does what I say, but ends up hissing in pain when soap gets into his eyes.

"AH! That hurts!" Castiel complains, and immediately gathers more water in his hands to try and rinse the suds out, but like I said, it doesn't work. I quickly grab a light blue towel and hand it to him.

"Here, rub your eyes with this." I say to him. Castiel reaches out blindly and I hand him his towel, which he rubs his eyes furiously with. Once he's cleared his vision, his big blue eyes open again, and looks at me. The whites of his eyes are bloodshot from being irritated.

"Are you okay Cas?" I ask making sure this experience hasn't put him off bathing.

"Yes, I'm fine." He says, blinking to make sure he can see. "What do I do next?" Looking at him closely, I can see his eyes slowly turning back to white already. Wow, guess he still has a bit of angel in him. I give myself a mental shake to come back to reality.

Putting more soap on the washcloth, I talk him through washing his arms, but falter slightly when it comes to washing his chest, but I barrel on, pretending to be indifferent to touching his lovely tanned torso. I start to breathe heavily, which is completely unnecessary considering that I don't need much oxygen anymore, when I get down to his bellybutton and waist. _DAMN! _Taking another useless breath, I stop at his waist, and then remove the washcloth.

"Cas? Could you sit forwards so I can do your back?" Noticing my voice coming out rather hoarse, Castiel looks at me in a concerned way before sitting up, and leaning forward. I just stare at his muscle-y tanned back, and watch the water falling off his skin. Castiel has a _really_ nice back! Resisting the urge to run my fingernails down his back, I shake my head again, and wash his back, taking as much time as I can. _Oh, how I __**envy**__ Jimmy's wife!_

"Okay, think you can wash from your hips down?" My voice is cracked as well as hoarse. "I won't look, I promise."

"Okay, I'll try." Castiel takes the material from me, and is about to wash his nether regions while sitting down, when I stop him.

"Uh...You have to stand up to do that." I say, resuming my post at the window with my back to him.

"Oh." Is all Castiel has to say about that.

Hearing the water running off his body, I try not to think of me washing his private parts.

_JUDITH BLAIR! GET YOUR HEAD OUTTA THE GUTTER WOMAN!_ I yell at myself mentally, I also clear my throat. Forget a cold shower; I think I need a bathtub filled with ice!

"Sit back down again when you're done." I say, pushing all naughty thoughts from my head. Yeah, I got it bad for Castiel!

"Alright, I'm done." Castiel says, sitting back down. "What now?"

"I just need to wash your hair and then you can either come out of the bath, or stay in there a while and relax." I reply, turning around and seeing a now pink former angel in the bath.

Clearing my throat for about the hundredth time since this started about fifteen minutes ago, I grab the bottle of shampoo from the mirrored cabinet on the wall and go back to the tub. Luckily Bobby has a shower attached to his bath, so, grabbing the hose, I turn the shower on to the right temperature.

"You need to close your eyes again Cas." I instruct, placing my hand under the running water just to make double-y sure it's not too hot or too cold. Castiel closes his eyes tight, and I wet his hair. "You can open them again." I say, turning the shower off and setting the top in the bath. Grabbing the bottle of shampoo, I turn back to Castiel. My newly beating heart stops for a split second, and then jump starts itself. It now feels like it's doing the conga, all from seeing Castiel _completely_ naked! Oy vey!

Castiel's head tilts slightly to the right as he tries to figure out why I've frozen. I think he knows, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's drawing this out, maybe he likes it?

"Judith? Are you _sure_ you're alright?" His blue eyes are focused on my green, blue-grey ones, which are ogling him. I give myself a mental punch.

"I'm fine." I lie, squirting some shampoo onto my hand. "You, uh, only need to use a small amount of shampoo to wash your hair." I tell him, and then rubbing the shampoo into his hair, I work up a nice soapy lather. Castiel's eyes close, and I swear I can hear him moan slightly. I guess he really likes it when people play with his hair. I smile, I'm gonna have to do that more often.

"Close your eyes tight again Cas, I'm gonna rinse all the soapy suds out." I check to see if his eyes are tightly shut before turning the shower back on, and rinse all the bubbles out of his hair. And before I can get all breathless at the sight of him all wet again, I grab the same towel he used to rub soap out of his eyes to dry his hair and his face.

"Ok Cas, you're all done." I say, folding the wet towel and putting it into the laundry basket. "You can either go ahead and relax or –"

"Judith? Cas? Dinner!" Dean shouts from the bottom of the stairs.

"Coming!" I yell back. "Guess that means you have to come out now." I try not to sound disappointed.

"Yeah, I'm starting to get a little hungry." Castiel replies, making a move to get up. Jumping, I grab the last towel and hold it out, careful to put it above eye level. Castiel stands up and moves to step out of the bathtub, when he slips. Dropping the towel, I reach out and instinctively grab onto him before he can hit his head on the wall behind the tub. I pull him back onto his feet, taking note that now there is no water or bubbles covering him up. Now he's standing there completely naked.

_Oh my God! _

Seeing my eyes on him, he quickly put his hands in front of his crotch, blocking my nice view. _SONUVABITCH! _I take my eyes away from his hands and look up into his face. His eyes are closed tight, he's obviously embarrassed, but seeing as he can't go anywhere, he just stands there in the bath.

"Thank you." He says, through tight lips. I decide to give the guy some modesty and grab the blue towel, now abandoned on the floor, and put it around his waist, over his hands. His eyes spring open again, and I look away towards the door.

"You're welcome." I squeak out, still holding the towel around his waist. After a few seconds Castiel's hands come out of the towel, and I tuck the end into the waistband to keep it on, and help him out of the bath. Noticing that his hands are on the towel to keep it from slipping, I guide him to the bedroom beside the bathroom, and then leave him to get dressed.

I walk back to the bathroom and close the door behind me. Leaning against it, I try to get my breathing under control. Once that's done, I walk back to the tub and pull out the plug. Watching the water and bubbles disappear, I have only one thought: _I SAW CASTIEL NAKED! FULL FRONTAL! WHOOHOO! _

Walking out of the bathroom at the same time Castiel walks out of the bedroom, now fully clothed, minus shoes and socks, I let him walk a couple of paces ahead of me so I can hide the huge grin plastered on my face. But as we walk down the stairs I have to fight to turn it off, least Dean see it and make fun of poor Castiel, who wordlessly sits at the table between Sam and Bobby. Sitting beside Dean, I try to keep the grin from coming back.

Oh what a nice day _this_ has been.

The End.

_**A/N:**_** I know, I know, I'm evil for not writing a more detailed description of a naked Cas, but, I've never seen Misha naked, and even if I had, I'd never tell anyone. (Ducks the flying fruit and vegetables) HEY! Watch it with the cabbage!**

**What you guys think?**

4


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